Next stop is homeless.

Its another fine grey damp day here up North.
And yes that 8 year old on a mountain bike who hangs about the corner dealing crack is likely as not packing a 9mm of whatever description you wish to choose. Best you follow me...

Its tricky to describe just what a place this is that I reside in.
Its supposed to be housing for overspill residents in Manchester.
I love that phase, “Overspill residents” , as if you just missed out on getting on another estate. And no not just because you are unemployed, a single parent, drug addict, ethnic minority or possibly all of the afore mentioned.
Call it any fancy name you choose. Be it overspill residency, social housing or council estate, its still a ghetto in every sense of the fucking word...

Come 9am and the baby troglodytes will have been forced out their houses off to school.
( Only to make it to the bottom of the street and catch the bus into the city centre for the day)
The rest of the family make the most of their free time by watching educational programs such as Jerry Springer and Jeremy Kyle. Who knows how they would cope if they didn’t have these programs to help them with life.
I mean the next time a GF of mine hooks up with a transexual dwarf stripper I’ll be glad I caught the show that dealt with such a topic I can tell you.

The teenage bad boys are hard at work this time of year as well, making sure they have nicked everything on the families Christmas lists. Not that you ever get broken into round here. Even they know there’s nothing worth taking in this place. I mean seriously would you choose to rob a crack house?
“Hey mom, I got you one of them little pipes you been asking for...”
The more middle class areas though are little more than well kept shopping malls.
You want the latest video games machine? No problem ask Fat Al and he’ll have you one by Thursday.
Something sparkly for the misses? Slip us a pony and its yours.
Hell its quicker and cheaper than Amazon.

As for police presence , well unless somebody's dead they know to stay the fuck away. Its brutal round here and they know that. Better to let us slowly kill each other off and just sweep up the pieces after.
After all, pepper spray means jackshit to a smacked up 8 year old with a Glock my friend.

Not quite what you had in mind?

Funny how mental pictures can be nothing like what the other person is trying to describe.

Take the phrase " get on like a house on fire" See I dont know about you but my mental picture involves lots of people running and screaming as well as the house becoming cinders possibly with loved ones still inside. The traumatized faces of the children when they realize Buttons just wasn't quick enough and is now in hamster heaven. And quite possibly a sex starved fire vixen in uniform who happens to have the leaky hose.......

It didn't help that I actually explained this to a charming young lady who had actually taken time to share coffee with me on a regular basis.
Yes it was just coffee, I do actually enjoy talking as much as getting freaky.
She had obviously hoped we were clicking,
We were, right up until the point when she started looking at me as if I was dribbling down the front of my shirt. 
I love that look they have when they realize im nuts.........

And the ones who just burst into laughter, they're keepers they are....